


Strange Bedfellows

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-09
Updated: 2011-03-09
Packaged: 2017-10-16 19:47:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard and Priya split up. Sheldon tries comforting him, but in the end the only thing that works is getting Penny to help out. Challenge: Sheldon/Penny/Leonard: forbidden, jealousy, tea, warm, soft, hard, round, file, gloss, contract, binding, desk, Caltech, satin, warrant, curriculum, pleasure, receptors, padlock, leash, double, bed, red. Warning: written in two hours flat to meet the battle deadline, so may contain utter nonsense, especially because I did the whole 'hey, let's see if I can fit all the prompts in!' thing again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Bedfellows

**Author's Note:**

> The Big Bang Theory characters do not belong to me and I am making no profit off writing this.
> 
> Dedicated to the Realm 73 crew.

  
The first that Sheldon knows of Leonard’s breakup with Priya is when he walks back into the apartment, basket full of clean, folded laundry in his arms, and Leonard’s face down on the couch instead of out at the dinner he was meant to be having with her.

He tries offering Leonard tea, as per the unwritten social contract that Amy’s been teaching him about. The grunt he gets in response is definitely in the negative.

He tries sitting in the chair that Leonard usually occupies and asking Leonard if he wants to talk about it. He gets another negatory grunt and frankly he’s not sure that he wants to hear about it anyway and Leonard’s chair isn’t his spot so he doesn’t feel very comfortable.

He tries singing “Soft Kitty”, although Leonard’s not sick and dumped is not even remotely a kind of sick, but it’s the best way he can think of to show that he’s concerned. He gets as far as “Soft kitty, warm kitty...” before Leonard throws the stripy cushion at his head with remarkable accuracy for a man who’s got his eyes shut and his face pressed against the leather seat of the couch.

This is hard.

Frustrated, he crosses the hall to Penny’s apartment and knocks, even though the door’s ajar and he can hear her singing along with an episode of _Glee_. Her singing voice is far more pleasant when she’s singing for herself than when she’s trying to force it.

“—it for the deaf, sing it for the – just come _in_ , Sheldon! Unless you’re going to bring the sock thing up again. I swear I didn’t realize I’d left it in the machine.”

“It’s not that, although how one could misplace one red sock and fail to realize it might still be in the washing machine baffles me.” He pushes the door open enough to walk in. Penny’s sitting on her couch, feet up on her coffee table, applying baby-blue gloss nail polish to her toenails, leaning down between her own knees in that way that only women doing this particular task seem to be able to manage.

“I’ll buy you a new shirt, jeez.”

“I can live with having a pink shirt. It’s your carelessness that bothers me.”

Penny looks up at him, sighing and rolling her eyes. “Sheldon...”

“I _actually_ came over to tell you that Leonard appears to be upset.”

“Upset?”

“He was meant to be at dinner with Priya tonight. The fact that he is, instead, currently moping on our couch indicates to me that something has gone wrong with their relationship.”

Penny’s on her feet in a flash, yanking the little foam toe divider thing from each foot and dropping them on the table (as unscientific as “divider thing” is, Sheldon has no idea what the real name of the item is). “How long’s he been there?”

“I’m uncertain, although he wasn’t there when we went to do our laundry.”

“So maybe an hour, tops. Glasses still on? Shoes?”

“Yes and yes.”

She’s whirlwinding around her kitchen, opening and slamming doors, the hem of her purple satin camisole flaring out with her movements, the clink of bottles being deposited on the counter overriding the singing from the television. “Sounds bad. I’m gonna bring out the heavy artillery.” She gathers the varied liquor bottles up in her arms, pokes the standby button on the television with her blue-smeared big toe, and is halfway over to their apartment before Sheldon can pass any comment on the efficacy of alcohol in such emotionally wrought situations. He was thinking that _Don’t do anything you’ll regret_ might be the best warning. Instead all he can do is follow her out, snapping the light off and closing the door behind himself.

* * *

This isn’t the first time Penny’s woken up in Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment, so she immediately recognizes Leonard’s bedroom ceiling and, more pertinently, Leonard’s arm draped across her waist. _Priya_ , she thinks, and _Oops_ , and then she remembers that Leonard and Priya split up, so she’s ( _kindasortanotreally_ ) okay on that front.

The front she’s not so okay on is the part where someone _else’s_ arm is tucked under her, curled possessively around her shoulders. She turns her head very slowly to the right, and if she were in a cartoon this would be the part where her eyes would bug out of her head, big and round and shocked, because it’s _Sheldon’s_ arm, and it’s completely bare, and from what she can see of the rest of him _that’s_ bare as well.

She doesn’t need to look to know that she’s totally naked. She’s familiar with the sensation. Ditto the throbbing headache and double vision and cotton-dry mouth that say _hello, you drank way too much last night_. She’s partway between hungover and still drunk and, oh, she’s in bed with _Leonard_ and _Sheldon_.

Maybe if she stays really, really still and closes her eyes, she’ll go back to sleep and wake up in her own bed.

Closing her eyes doesn’t work, because she’s immediately assailed with images and memories from the previous night.

* * *

“I was ready to clean out my desk at work and find a job in India,” Leonard says, downing his peach schnapps like water and holding out his glass for a refill. “Caltech’re pretty reasonable about that sort of thing and it’s not like I’m obligated to them or anything. I could’ve left all my research on file and just gone.”

“I think you’re very selfish,” Sheldon says, sipping daintily at his own drink, which is a real proper Cuba Libre that Penny didn’t even have to sneakily slut up for him, because as soon as she started pouring for Leonard and settled in on the couch he’d shaken his head and said, “If you can’t beat them, you might as well join them,” and let her mix him a real drink. “You’d be leaving all of us behind if you went to India. I’m your best friend. Did you not think of that?”

“Sorry, Sheldon. I didn’t realize you were harboring a sense of jealousy over my love life.”

“Hardly.”

“What, even though he has one and you don’t?” Penny puts in.

Sheldon looks prim. “In _my_ particular school of life, Penny, sexual education is _not_ on the curriculum.”

“Bored now,” says Penny, pouring herself another generous splash of schnapps.

* * *

She’s singing “Just A Girl”, jumping up and down, hair flying, while Leonard pounds the crap out of the drums and Sheldon wails on the guitar, looking surprisingly _cool_ ; maybe it’s the two drinks he’s had so far, or the five she’s had.

* * *

Leonard’s singing “Pretty Woman” and dancing ridiculously close to her while she tries to hit the right buttons on the guitar and fails miserably even though Sheldon’s standing behind her, arms around her and fingers covering hers, his breath warm on the back of her neck.

* * *

Sheldon and Leonard are dueting on “Re: Your Brains”, scuffling a little over the mic, while she sits on the coffee table giggling her ass off. They sound pretty good, it doesn’t really warrant the gigglefit, but it’s a funny song and as it’s ending she gets up and sticks her head between theirs and bites Leonard’s ear and then the side of Sheldon’s neck and she’s just being a zombie but both of them stop singing and Leonard drops the mic, staring at her.

* * *

The only sound in the apartment is heavy breathing and her own whimpering and moaning and Sheldon commenting breathlessly that the alcohol doesn’t seem to be dulling his pleasure receptors at all.

She’s kneeling astride him, leaning back against his chest, his cock buried deep inside her, his hands between her thighs parting her labia for Leonard, whose tongue is playing over her like he’s a dehydrating man in the desert and she’s the only source of water. She’s pretty sure this is forbidden by like ninety percent of unwritten social contracts and doesn’t give a damn. As far as she’s concerned, right now if it’s not in writing it’s not binding.

She rocks and rocks and rocks, orgasm caught between Sheldon’s cock and Leonard’s tongue, frustrated little whines escaping her throat, until at last Leonard backs off and Sheldon’s hands lift to cup her breasts and Penny looks down at Leonard as she comes and sees him gazing at them gape-mouthed as though watching his roommate fuck his ex-girlfriend senseless is just the best way ever to get over a breakup.

* * *

“You can’t go home _now_.” Leonard’s fingertip hooks under her necklace and tugs lightly at it like a little silver leash.

“Definitely not,” Sheldon agrees.

“But 'm tired.”

“You can sleep in my bed, come on.”

“You steal the covers.”

“You steal them _more_.”

“I have chain and a padlock in my room if you want to make sure she stays in bed with you,” Sheldon offers.

“Why do you – never mind.”

The chain and padlock get forgotten as the three of them -- Sheldon half-carrying Leonard -- stumble to Leonard’s room, where Penny wakes up enough to find an even better way to help Leonard get over Priya. Sheldon apparently realizes he’s not going anywhere either and settles against the pillows, Leonard snuggled back against him as Penny slowly teases the last of Leonard’s blues out with her hands and lips and tongue.

* * *

Penny must’ve moved or made some noise, because Sheldon wakes up. She watches his face as he realizes where he is; he looks panic-stricken.

“No danger,” she whispers before he can yell and wake Leonard up. “It’s okay. It’s just us.”

“That’s scant comfort,” Sheldon grumbles, nuzzling her hair. “There are tiny creatures playing the drums in my head.”

“It’s called a hangover, you’ll be fine.”

“Who’re you talking to, Pe-- oh my God.”

Oh. Leonard’s awake. And he _also_ looks panic-stricken.

Well, this is certainly not going to be a lazy Sunday morning, but she can think of worse ways to spend it, like alone.


End file.
